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Date Night

Posted on: Saturday 04/01/2017 05:11:52

So the date tonight was alright. The lady was nice. We are the same age, both have teaching degrees, adult kids, like gardening, and music. Attractive. When she retires in October she wants to open a small music hall- somehow non-profit. We talked for four hours straight about all kinds of things. It didn't feel awkward or forced.

The place we went to, The Vault Brewery, was crowded as hell- 45 to 50 minute wait for a table. They take your phone number and text you when your table is ready, so we went down the block to an inn for a drink while we waited. The food was a bit pricey, but good. The craft beers were good also. I paid, but she insisted on getting the tip. I also brought her a gift of a medium sized Yankee Candle.

One thing I felt uncomfortable about, that I think will continue to plague me, is this line of questioning: How long have you been divorced? Oh, really? Well, how long were you separated? Oh, really? How long were you married? What happened?

I've never been a liar, or one to deceive people- what a tangled web we weave, right?

  • lunamor Says:
    People will always ask that. It's just conversation about your history, and I think it's valid - doesn't have to be threatening. The right person just wants to know about you; it's not about judging, but learning about a potential partner.

    I'm happy the date went well :)

  • kittenheel Says:
    Luna's right. She was making conversation. And after all, it's a fairly relevant topic if you're going to date someone. /homepage

  • lermontov Says:
    You need to get a place on 'lock'. ie when you rock in - it is locked down. They'll clear a table for you - greet you by name etc. Get in there - be the man they wanna be. When you're rockin a couple of hardbodies through there a week - they'll love you - wanna be you - and aid you.

    Did you end up dripping the wax from that candle on the small of her back?

  • LizLemon Says:
    Why is the divorce/separated/whatever question awkward? I dated a divorced guy and asked a ton of questions, mostly so I could determine if he was going to have his small kids around and would I have to meet them...

    Turns out I tend to hate other people's kids so that's always been the deal breaker, but adult kids seems like that wouldn't be so bad.

    Do not drop wax from a yankee candle on her. WTF Tov- you know better.

  • Simon Says:
    Okay, I’ve never dated anyone, but such questions seem perfectly reasonable ones to me. You know, if only so as to see if someone responds with ‘I felt a divorce was tidier than killing her and disposing of her body in an acid bath, as I did with my first wife.’

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Liz, Lerm's dates tend to have low self esteem and are willing to do anything for his attention. And getting candle wax dripped on them probably reminds them of time spent with their fathers.

    And look at divorce like if you sat down at that table missing a finger or an eye. You know they're going to ask the obvious questions: how did it happen and how long ago was it?

  • kittenheel Says:
    So being divorced is like being disfigured? Did you just call me fat?

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Well, getting a divorce did result in you losing a 250 pound asshole.

  • kittenheel Says:

    /homepage

  • knifeboy Says:
    My core concern is what a woman is going to think of someone who stays separated from someone for ten years before divorcing them. I can tell them she was the love of my life, I tried hard to get her back, and had a difficult time letting go- the truth. How does that make me look though, to someone new who is attempting to get to know me? I can only see them thinking negtively of that. Am I wrong?/homepage

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Don't tell them the length of the separation. Just say it was a few years. If it goes anywhere then say it was 10. Lots of separations are measured in years.

  • lunamor Says:
    Lots of separated people just never get around to divorcing for a long while. I used to work with this lady who had been separated from her husband for 15 years. They just never sought the divorce, because they didn't "need" it, by the sound of it.

  • knifeboy Says:
    I think I can do that, Steve. On the other hand, I suppose it's no where near as difficult as if they ask why she left me.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Irreconcilable differences. The move to NJ was too much of a strain. She loved to fuck other men. She loved to fuck other women. Who cares? The divorce rate is 50%, it's not like you're an anomaly.

  • lunamor Says:
    Yeah, Steve's the weirdo, still married after all this time, and he apparently still likes to hang out with his wife.

    SO WEIRD.

  • H3OsMama Says:
    Please don't tell her your ex was the love of your life.

  • lermontov Says:
    "My core concern" - there is your problem

    Solution = don't worry about anything!

  • The Lioness Says:
    Divorce can be expensive and some people just never go through the hassle and expense unless they need to. If you've been separated 10 years, you ARE divorced. Honestly. No, it's not legal, but unless you ask her to marry you it isn't really relevant. I didn't divorce right away because it helped financially with kids in college because I did our taxes and kept it all since he wasn't sending child support. If my relationship with the Brit had progressed, I would have gone ahead and taken care of it, but it wasn't really an issue for me. I've never asked those questions, and have never been asked. I guess maybe guys don't care. /homepage

  • snow Says:
    Even people I don't date ask me about my marriage/divorce history. I think it's just a common thing. Try not to feel awkward about it. Glad the date went good.
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