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What happened?

Posted on: Friday 10/20/2017 11:38:57

Last night I went with some friends to a poetry reading in Keyport, A town on the shore. The reading was a sort of bash. There have been regular readings for two years at the place it was held. It is closing, so this was a send-off bash of sorts. It was three hours, a long time for one of these things. I didn't get home until 1:30 a.m., got to bed at 2:00. I hot the snooze button twice this morning, and woke up at 3:00 p.m., feeling destroyed.

I met a lady there whom I was attracted to the moment I saw her. I noticed her looking at me a number of times when  happened t turn in her direction. I was the last reader of the night. When the crowd was filing out, she was waiting outside the doorway to talk to me and tell me how much she liked my poems. We talked for about twenty minutes about poetry, shared hand surgery experiences, and some other things. I got a good vibe from her. She is an animal lover and works at an animal clinic. She is a published poet. She has a pretty face and pink hair. She lives an hour and a half away, and has a boyfriend. Swing and a miss!

Ever since I have been on disability, I have been having very strange dreams that I remember, and a lot of vivid dreams. I have some other things going on as well. I was recently telling my therapist about it. She told me this: Normally you have on a daily basis, the stresses, pressures, and chaos of long hours at work. You have the frustrating commute. You have 2-3 hours at night to scramble trying to get things done at home like cooking, laundry, and so on. Now, you are only reading, writing, and walking. Without the stimulation of those other things, your brain is freaking out because it doesn't know what to do with itself. You have to find more things that will keep you mentally active for now.

My sister doesn't believe in mental illness. She is in denial with me and always has been. She thinks that therapists and psychiatrists just prey on people whom can't handle normal issues in order to make a living. I am not quite sure how to respond to that. The thing you always hear is that no one understands it except those who suffer from it.

As a recommendation from my therapist, as a way to reduce a source of stress and anxiety, a few months ago I hired a cleaning company. They come in every two weeks, and do everything except laundry and dishes. Two or three people come in on the weekend. The are fast, and they are good. The first time they came for what they call the initial cleaning, they did more than I ever expected. They washed the kitchen and bathroom walls, wiped down all the blinds, cleaned the door glasses inside and out, descaled the shower doors. They charge $60 a visit, and it is well worth it. It is a relief to not have to worry about it. Also, as my therapist said I would do, I keep the place neater and cleaner than before in between visits, because I don't want the cleaners to think I am a slob.

There are almost no plans for the weekend. My daughter is coming to do the dishes I am not able to do, and maybe take me grocery store. My friends are talking about going to the Punk Rock Flea Market in Trenton tomorrow. I found a place in town that still sells and develops 35mm film, so I have dusted off the Minolta, and have been playing around with some one-handed photography of historic places around here. I may do some of that. Have a good weekend, everyone...     

  • kittenheel Says:
    I admit, I go a little bit nuts on days when I don't have to deal with clients, kids, weird neighbors, etc. I've done it for so long that I don't know how to do life any other way. It helps if I have a project on the back burner I can turn to at any time, like a quilt or some home improvement project.

  • lunamor Says:
    I'm the same way...I need the stimulation of work (even when I complain about it).

    As for therapy: whatever helps you, do that. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Piss on 'em if they disagree.

    So glad to see you posting!

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    For the record, despite what the billboard says near Exit 117 where 35 and 36 merge, Keyport is NOT The Shore. It's the fucking Bayshore, which is to New Jersey what Mos Eisley was to Tattoine. The Shore starts at Sandy Hook, in Highlands. Everything west of Highlands is The Bayshore. And most of it is gross. Especially Keansburg. And Union Beach smells like a chemical plant.

    And if you've seen Clerks, If you drove about 15 minutes east to Leonardo you'd be able to see the Quick Stop, right there on 36.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Seriously though glad you had a good time. Keyport isn't awful. Unlike Keansburg.

  • blackbird Says:
    I don't even know what to say to your sister, either. How do you not believe in mental illness? Jesus Christ.

    My oldest has two jobs, one of them being cleaning houses. So I'm hiring her to come home once every two weeks to clean. We always end up giving her money anyway, so I figure why not have her earn it.

    Be sure to share your photos with us!


  • knifeboy Says:
    I didn't know that, Steve. Thanks for the clarification. I have lived here 29 years.I've been to Cape May once, and Seaside Heights once in the late fall. I've never cared for the shore, don't now either, really.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    The Shore was my part of Jersey, although I lived a little inland (I grew up in Middletown Township). Sandy Hook was where we went as kids although when it was my choice Point Pleasant became my favorite.
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