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Some Things

Posted on: Monday 11/20/2017 02:27:55

I hate to start this way, but overall, I'm not doing so hot. I am in depression mode. The weather here started me on the Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), to which I am prone. Taking Vitamin D3 and Magnesium is not helping much. Then, I will be spending Thanksgiving alone. I was supposed to go to my daughter's, but that collapsed. First, her husband got sent to Phoenix in business, then she had to go to her grandmother's funeral in Tuscon. I got a reservation at a nice restaurant in the area, but it's obviously not the same.

Then, there is the dating site. I am still sending introductory messages to 5-6 women a week and getting no replies. I look at the summary for those messages, and all I see is, "read- deleted" or even worse, "not read- deleted". The week before last I did start trading messages with one woman who did reply. We share a number of interests and hobbies. She is intelligent, a teacher (tons of divorced teachers out there for some reason). We both want the same things in a partner. 

I didn't hear from her on Tuesday. Mid-day Wednesday I sent a message saying I hoped she was having a good day. No reply. I let it go. Thursday morning I sent a messaging saying I was available in the evening if she wanted to chat. No reply. I sent no more, and got none back. I let Friday and yesterday roll, and got no messages. I didn't want to see overly eager or needy. This afternoon I sent one asking if she was no longer interested. I got an immediate reply- no longer interested, good luck in your search. WTF. Why keep a guy hanging? 

Also, I got a blow on Monday morning. I saw my diabetes doctor. She told me my blood sugar levels were way too high. I was immediately put on insulin, one type for first thing in the morning, a different type before each meal. I had to make immediate changes. This scared the shit out of me. I don't want to die. I went home, threw out all dry and canned goods that I was told were not good. My daughter will take what's in my fridge. I went to the store and spent $200 on good foods I was told to eat. I right away got a gym membership, as much as I dislike that.

Since then, I have been eating nothing but seafood, chicken, veggies, and salads with every lunch and dinner. My occasional summertime cigar will be a thing of the past. I am taking cinnamon daily, and drinking cranberry juice and lemon ginger tea constantly. I know this is a drastic change, but I have to do it, and stick to it. I'm actually proud of myself with the gym. Today, I did three miles on the treadmill in an hour, got the heart rate up to 126, and burned 7,520 calories. 

Finally, since my divorce, I have been at peace with it. What my ex did to me hasn't bothered me. Not having her has not bothered me. I haven't felt the need to discuss it with my therapist for six months now. However, I have started to have nightmares about her having sex with other men, and this really bizarre blob-like alien being that completely envelopes her body, at the same time. I wake up in the middle of the night with my pajamas and the bed soaked with sweat. I am wide awake then, and have trouble going back to sleep. My therapist has told me you don't interpret dreams by what happens, but by how you feel when they are happening. I feel completely freaked out. I don't want that blob thing around her, penetrating her. I am terrified. I want to stop it but somehow can't. I feel helpless.

So, as you can tell, I am a hot mess right now. I'm just waiting for all this nonsense to pass, except for the diabetes thing, which will not go away.

  • lermontov Says:
    Train like an animal!

  • kittenheel Says:
    I admire you so much for taking steps to improve your health!

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    If you message someone twice and she doesn’t respond, it’s not going to happen. It’s frustrating but she doesn’t owe you a response. Sorry to be blunt but you’ll be far better off if you just accept she lost interest and move on to your next opportunity. The more messages you send with her not responding, the more she’s going to assume you’re a stalker. /homepage

  • lunamor Says:
    Keep up the good work on the health. Exercise will help the depression.

    As for women/dating: I wish I had advice. My advice to myself has to mostly give up on it, and I'm a lot happier for it. It may happen, it may not, and I'm ok either way. If there is any way you can keep from checking if women have read your messages or not...I'd suggest not checking that. The only thing that should matter is if someone messages you back. The rest can only lead to anxiety and disappointment, unfortunately.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    And on the diabetes note, while you can’t do much about the things you can’t control (dating) you’re doing great with those things you can control. Making a lifestyle change with diet is hard. But that’s the way to do it.

  • lermontov Says:
    Yeah - probably time to give the molls a break for a while and concentrate on you.

    Get your diet right (no more than one bottle of wine a night and a few whiskies before bed - and only a couple of martinis at lunch - Saturdays and Sundays excepted - four or five martinis and a bottle of champagne should do it - of course you can have more at dinner). And smash the gym - train like you're going to be fighting all of your mistresses' husbands that weekend - like a Battle Royale.

    Then reconsider your molling - the reality is that unless your'e charismatic, attractive or wealthy - then you're not really offering much. And judging by your past results, this would appear to be true of you. So, get your rig sorted at the gym, your finances in order, practise your chat and hit up a plastic surgeon (or get a mask that looks like me). Then hit the bitches. Don't keep doing what you've always done - it isn't working

  • Simon Says:
    No advice on dating from me – I have no experience, and, thank God, I am very happy to live alone. But yes to the diet and exercise. We’re both of the same age, and I learned a few years ago that not being young anymore means paying serious attention to what you eat (and, in my case, being effectively housebound, making sure I get 15 minutes’ exercise a day). It’s far too easy to fall into the habit of having a crappy diet with all the fast food there is around. Check all the labels. Sugar is added to just about everything that’s packaged or tinned these days. Get more fresh (or, for that matter, frozen) vegetables and fresh fruit. Keep away from prepared meals.

  • lermontov Says:
    No need to listen to Simon


    Always have your butler or moll prepare your food - I presume that one isn't so disadvantaged that one cooks or shops for oneself

    Plenty of immigrants for that, old chap

  • Simon Says:
    Don’t worry Lerm. No one ever does.

  • snow Says:
    lol... Simon.

  • knifeboy Says:
    Good advice, everyone, especially Steve and Lerm, except for the alcohol. It's strictly out now. The diet is changing a lot I'm also nor trying and liking things I thought I wouldn't, or didn't know existed, like tempeh.
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