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In The Corral

Posted on: Sunday 04/01/2018 01:45:34

As soon as I posted about the lady friend, though I was (and still am) hurt, I decided quickly that I would not repeat a huge foolish mistake. You all know what I mean. I quickly got off my ass, dusted the dirt from my chaps, and started walking down the trail rather than chasing after the long gone horse I would not catch. 

I got back on POF. Throw a new line back into the lake, right? So far- Ugh. No offense to anyone, but here is what I am finding so far:

- A big group of women, half physically well kept, half not, whom only want a guy with the body of a 25 year old. No mention of personal qualities desired. We are in our 50s and 60s, remember? Have realistic expectations.

- Many, many divorced school teachers, nurses, and beauty professionals. That has me very curious.

- I know how this will sound, but- Many women whose only photos are head shots, blurry, glamour shots, ones with other women that don't point out which ones they are, or a mix. Why the smoke and mirrors? What do they have to hide? Be real.

- I  just love this one- "Mental illness, depression, bipolar, all psychos need not apply". Fuck you, okay?

- I traded two messages with one woman, after which she told me she was closing her account because she was getting too many requests from men- almost 200 a week. About 29 a day? Really? She was very nice, but not, "I'll just fucking die if I can't be her man". And I have some cave paintings I want to sell you. 

- Women who want a man to go on world travels with them. Besides a few widows, they all went through a divorce in NJ. They are totally aware of how the judge financially screwed their spouses in court, regardless of the circumstances. They should know most of us legally battered survivors can't afford two week vacations to Italy, Rio, or Egypt.

- My favorite is this- They have been recommended to you as a match by the site. They just want someone to be friends first, someone to talk to, dine with, and share mutual activities, and then develop a long-term relationship together. It is all about making each other feel loved, comfortable, happy, PDAs, and making each other laugh. You share damn near every like, hobbies, interests, and wants in a potential partner. 

You send them a brief, pleasant message, and ask to chat and see where it goes from there. You get nothing back. In fact, often times, they delete the message without reading it. Why? If the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes people show up at your front door, do you pretend you aren't home because they want to give you a million dollars, and not that seven thousand a week for life prize? I don't get that. Many of you have seen me on FB and You Tube. Is it my looks? 

Is it a case of virtual- "Lieutenant, may I make a statement?" "What is it, Callahan?" "Your mouth wash ain't makin' it." At least I have by sense of humor somewhat intact. I will self-flagellate a while longer.

Happy Easter

  • lunamor Says:
    This may be hard to hear, but may give you insight. In dating sites, I hesitate a LOT. I rarely respond to messages. Why? Because I want to be reasonably certain I am attracted to these men (both looks and personality), because rejecting is hard. It's not just hard because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (though that is a huge part of it). It's hard because some men not only don't take rejection well, they can be outright scary about it. You want to know why some women are reluctant to respond? Read this:

    And I know it seems unfair that women say they can't date men with mental health issues, but understand that they have probably been through hell with it and are practicing their own self care by staying away from it again. That is their right, too. Everyone's got their own needs, desires, and deal-breakers. I bet you do, too.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    If their profile is a group of women, the woman in question is the ugly one.

  • lermontov Says:
    Who cares what they think they want? Sell them the dream.

    A month in Rome? Sure thing my dear. I've cousin, the Count of Sodomito, who has a palazzo there where we can stay. You can see it in La dolce vita - come for dinner and watch it one night - I love Fellini - then pump and dump baby - churn and burn her - we're day traders - not fund managers. Leave your competitors holding the bags and worrying about how her wrinkly knees will look in the bright roman sun.

    And I write this as a feminist!

    ps get a new suit

  • kittenheel Says:
    Re: the nurses, teachers, beauty professionals who are divorced. They have SEEN shit. They have HEARD shit. They have no truck with men who don't pull their weight in a relationship.

    As for the high number of messages? Yeah. Do you remember when we were kids, there was a commercial for "Off" bug spray where some guy stuck his un-sprayed hand into a large jar full of mosquitoes, and they go to town on it? That is what it's like for women on dating sites. Even if their physical characteristics are less than stellar. Fact.

  • lunamor Says:
    Well, not only that, but those are traditionally female-dominated fields, so it kinda makes sense.

    As for messages, KH is on point. I read Aziz Ansari's book, Modern Romance, and he talked about that at length. Based on actual data, men get few messages regardless of their attractiveness level. Women get a lot of messages...their "attractiveness" level does make the numbers go up, but they get way more than men at every level.

  • lermontov Says:
    Like the ladies say - there is also the chance that you're not attractive on any level - worth considering

    I'm trying to remember the last positive post that you made here?
    Normally they're just complaints about how women don't want to date you, fleece you for airline fares etc. (a Brazilian no less - way to play into a stereotype) Flatmates blowing up your house with meth labs? That doesn't happen to guys with something to offer. It happens to losers.

    Stop being a loser. And the first way to start that - is to accept that you are one. Then make a change. Otherwise it is just a bunch of us trying to make you feel ok about the deadshit decisions you make - time to grow up - if you can - which I doubt

  • lermontov Says:
    And I'm glad this hit the homepage

  • kittenheel Says:
    Don, I did mean to say in my comment, that I've seen your pics on Facebook, and you're a good-looking guy. Sort of non-traditional, but I think you're probably attracted to women who aren't totally mainstream and cookie-cutter. I think maybe the problem is that your "give-a-shit" factor is way too high. You can't stake that much on a match made on a dating site. I mean, if it works out, that's fantastic, but you will have to be patient enough to separate the wheat from the chaff. /homepage

  • lunamor Says:
    ^ This. And, please tell me you smile in your profile pic, because I think you have a great smile.

  • lermontov Says:
    There you go - two single women that find you attractive Don! Get in there, spend some time with them!

  • lermontov Says:
    And as it is Easter - I'll buy you a flight and a weeks accomodation near either of them so that there are no excuses. I'll even pick up a couple of dinners. Will a week be enough? Almost a KCL dating show!What dates work for everyone?

  • kittenheel Says:
    My problem is that my give-a-shit factor plummeted, crashed through the earth's crust, and is currently approaching the lowest level of "mantle." I could give a shit if I ever get laid again, as long as I have good food and murder shows. Not that I'm pathetic or anything.

  • kittenheel Says:
    Muhfucking home page. -_-

  • lermontov Says:
    A couple of dinners with Don will sort that out Mare!

  • lermontov Says:
    On the porch with Bosco, a few hours of poetry, maybe break out the guitar and a "good looking guy"
    I think we got this KCL!

  • lunamor Says:
    Mary, my sexless Easter post notwithstanding (that was more for the sake of a laugh), I have more days like that than not!

  • Simon Says:
    …as long as I have good food and murder shows.

    That should be a thing. A food and murder show, I mean. Not necessarily involving cannibalism, though it should always be an option.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Lerm, absolutely uncalled for and ungentlemanly.

  • fakebrunette Says:

  • lermontov Says:
    Knifeboy wants different outcomes from his life - stop encouraging him to do the same thing!

    THis is like internet dating 4.0

    Judge me all you like - but, he needs to change what he is doing to get a different result. And you guys are just trying to convince him that it is all ok and he is doing the right thing.

  • knifeboy Says:
    First, Mary, yes I am non-traditional, and want the same (Writer, musician, artist, etc.). Also, you had me chuckling. You reminded me of the chorus of the Amanda Palmer song, Leeds Unlimited. She sings, "Who needs love when there's Law And Order, and who needs love when there's Southern Comfort". Jess, I smile in some pics and am serious in some. I see Lerm's point. Conduct myself as what I want to project to women. It makes sense. And Lerm, I know you get real frustrated with reading my shit, but I know it's out of concern. You are tough on me when you are serious, but I also know it's only because you want to help me. I appreciate that. I don't go off to a corner and lick my paws. And about the trips, two desirable, single women whom don't think I'm the second coming of Dwight Frye? I would gladly make both trips. Just a week's rest period in between, please. ;)

  • lermontov Says:
    Good man

  • H3OsMama Says:
    I'm the last person to give dating advice, but I'm going to anyway. A good friend of mine is divorced and keeps finding herself in relationships with the wrong men. I will tell you what I told her: quit trying so hard. People can sense desperation and it's a turn off. Learn to be content with being alone, and someone will come along. Or they won't. But, either way, if you can find happiness in being alone, then it's a win-win situation. /homepage
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