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Good Christ

Posted on: Wednesday 06/20/2018 04:02:15

I can talk about it now. When I got back to Ohio from NJ on Sunday night, I was seriously ready to have a breakdown. I can just now talk about it. The reason? My brother. For the five days of travel, packing, loading, and odd tasks, he acted like a complete asshole, was continuously nasty and mean to me, and was of very little help. Keep in mind he wanted to come along to help me.

Example: Thursday. I got up at 8:00 and started continuing to pack. He sat in my recliner texting and talking on the phone to his ex-wife. Back story: They divorced ten years ago. They are in a pattern of getting back together, then after a few months having a big fight and splitting it off again, saying they are really through this time. After a couple of weeks of not speaking, they get back together. the major thrust of this is she uses him for his prescription pain killers, muscle relaxers, and sleep meds. She is addicted, and so is he. He was forcibly taken off them after his kidney transplant, but is getting them from some unethical, shady doctor.

Anyway, I mentioned a couple of times that morning that I had too much to do to be stopping to go have a sit down breakfast as he like to do. I suggested that maybe he go out, picking something up for our breakfast, and bring it back to the house. He ignored me. Finally, at 11:00 he got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he took me up on the breakfast suggestion but after he was gone, it clicked that he didn't ask what I wanted. He came back an our later. He carried in from Dunkin, a dozen donuts which he knows I can't eat, and one coffee. I was aggravated. Then he sat at the kitchen table for 45 minutes eating his donuts and drinking his coffee while continued packing. He didn't say a word all this time, but I could tell he was pissed, probably about my not wanting to go out.

The rest of the day? He was to paint the laundry room walls. He was in the basement 4 1/2 hours, during which he was on the phone with you-know-who a bunch. I went down after that. In all that time, he only did one ten foot section of wall. He didn't use the concrete sealing paint I bought for the purpose. It smelled. He instead used some old interior latex wall paint (that smelled a lot for him, too). On basement concrete block. And it looked like a second grader did it. He said I should have bought him a professional respirator mask for the painting.

Yeah. There was also when I gave him my debit card to use when we filled up the Uhaul and his car. He filled the damned thing with premium. And on the way out there, he bitched me out for not giving him the $3 for the TP bridge toll before we started because he doesn't carry cash?!?!?!?!?! That was after his $50 tank of gas I paid for. The last straw was on the way back. An hour after we stopped for lunch I pulled into a rest stop to take a leak. He pulls up beside the truck and screeches his brakes, window down. He yells at me through the window, "NOW what is IT?!" I just politely told him I had to use the bathroom and would only be a minute. 

The whole five days was like that. My loving brother. I was ready for a melt down by the time I got to my sister's house Sunday night. I talked with my sister and BIL for a while as they tried to calm me. I love them and appreciated what they did, especially when what I wanted to do was drink myself silly alone, cry, and fall asleep on a lounger by the pool. I needed a long rest, but had to get up very early to get the truck unloaded into the storage unit. It was a good thing a few friends helped with that. I was still out of it, and oh yeah, my brother backed out of that last minute. He suddenly had to go for blood tests.

I am still shaken some by the experience, but treated myself today. I slept late. My sister made me whole wheat pancakes for a late breakfast. I was in the pool from 12:30 to 4:00 with my sister and her girlfriends. I didn't touch the phone all day. My BIL said it best tonight: "You can forget about it now. You are back here where you are loved, welcomed, and can relax and feel at home.", to which my sister added, "Our brother is a dick."     

  • kittenheel Says:
    Your brother is an addict, sounds like. Addiction to painkillers can take an otherwise loving, good person and turn them into someone you don't even recognize. Having been around addiction quite a bit, all I can say is that you have to set boundaries and enforce the hell out of them, or else you'll get dragged under the weight of their addiction too - even if you never engage in addictive behavior yourself. /homepage

  • lunamor Says:
    ^ What Mary said. I feel SO bad this happened; when you're doing something as stressful as moving more than a few miles away, having people not be good around you is just horrible. Nerves are already shot from traveling, manual labor, figuring out all the logistics. I had someone be a total dick to me when I went up to Denver for Aaron's tests last week...I think had I not been stressed from the travel and lack of normal routine, I could have handled it better. But it just added stress upon stress; it's exponential. I sure hope you can relax this week, and get loved on by the rest of your family & friends.

  • knifeboy Says:
    Thanks, ladies. I am taking that to heart, as I felt it before with an alcoholic friend. I knew I had to cut him loose when he was sucking the life out of me and refused help. It is different with him being my brother at this point. That may change later, I fear. Two days after we got back, I dropped off something at his house. He was in the driveway and said he was just leaving. He had a bottle of water and a handful of who-knows-what pills. A lot of pills./homepage
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