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More Odds Than Ends

Posted on: Thursday 09/13/2018 02:50:11

I didn't want to come back this way, but I need to get some things off my chest and have no one to talk to about them. Before that a quick update: The house closed on 7/26. I lost a bunch of money. To date, I've spent $12k on retainers and the legal stuff with my retirement funds is still not finished. The final court date was tomorrow, but my lawyer added an attachment to the motion get the alimony stopped as well. As soon as my ex-Beelzebub was advised, she lawyered up. Date pushed back until 10/19. My DSS has not been approved yet, so until this court crap is done, I have no income, and I'm getting down to my last. It's been that way for 5 1/2 months now. How long can I dangle from a rope?

So, being back here with family is turning into both a blessing and a curse. I have a lot of activities keeping me busy: fishing, hiking, biking, kayaking, writing, and now competition archery. My first shoot is on Sunday. However, the people are my issue.

My brother- I knew he was a hermit, but it's worse that I thought. He won't call me to do things. I have to call him. He won't actually do anything that involves leaving the house except go eat at the same restaurant. He is enamored of a couple of the waitresses, but has no balls to ask one out. I did this once and he told my sister he was embarrassed because he thought is was totally inappropriate. He would have problems in this area anyway. Between his hair and old clothes, he is a relic from the 70's. And he is a very stingy tipper.

My mother- Refuses to admit she is older that 65, when she will be 80 in a few months. Saying so sends her into tears. She continues to take ice staking lessons. When we tell her she will be physically doomed if she takes a fall (she is very frail), she feels hurt and goes into her speech about not being old. She refuses to admit she now has proof of her age in that her son (me) now belongs to the community senior center. She is unfortunately showing some bad signs: getting lost going to or coming home from places she has been going to for over 40 years, like the post office or church. She forgets previous conversations, or remembers things wrong. In addition, she tries to make everything about her, and is melodramatic and preachy. She told me I was being inconsiderate of my sister and BIL by smoking on their property and should pretty much bow at their feet daily. I do express my gratitude verbally, and by doing work for them around here, but really?

My sister- I could go on for days. She loves me too much and is very sweet and generous to me. However, if someone else, I couldn't be married to her for more than five minutes. She is a know it all and is always right, even when she isn't either. If she is forced into conceding in an argument or discussion topic, she is pissed for a day. She disagrees with, chastises, and corrects my BIL on literally everything. Serious. She will even tell him he is wrong about things in his construction business, which she knows very little about. He's been doing it for almost 40 years now. I think he knows. She has done this with me a  bunch on things with the divorce and my legal funding stuff. I have several times wanted to ask her how may divorces she has dealt with in the past (none).

She has zero sense of humor. I love his sense of humor. Shen he makes a joke, she eight looks away and scowls, or tells him he is stupid. He does and gives her everything. When they bought their McMansion two years ago, she was happy, but soon started complaining that the house had no pool like the last one. This spring he put one in for her, half-Olympic sized with a huge sculptured patio that has a build in gas grill and large fire pit. You can imagine what that cost. She has thanked him by treating him like shit and wanting more. She must spend $50-100 or more every single day on things she sees that she wants or things they need.

What makes this so bad is he loves her deeply. He works very hard for them to have what they do, the best of everything. He is extremely kind, compassionate, and generous. He will spend one day frantically completing and submitting bids to the DOT for construction of 20 bridges while handling dozens of call from foreman on job sites, superintendents, steel suppliers, and so on. He will get no lunch because he rushed home at noon to cut the grass, and then go back. When he gets home she is pissed if he won't immediately start doing a laundry list of things because all he did was "sit behind a desk all day". She doesn't get it when he comes home and is stress out from work. And after a week of this shit, if he wants to go fishing or take me to a bow shoot, she starts an argument in which she accuses him of always doing what he wants when he's home. Last night he actually got yelling, red in the face, fists clenched angry over what a "M-----fucking, greedy, cold, heartless c__t" my ex is, and that the demons in hell will rip the flesh from her bones as she is still alive and screaming in horror. God, I love this guy.

I know this all sounds like major complaining. Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful for everything everyone is doing for me. My BIL has been extremely supportive of me and is giving me a lot of spot-on financial and legal advise. Even though my sister corrects him on every word and disagrees with every bit of it, and tells him he's an idiot. The thing is, I have no home or vehicle, and very little money right now. I went from a middle class man to one whom is in effect homeless, jobless, vehicle-less, and poor in the space of a couple of months. Mentally I've really been pretty deep in the hole since the house closed. Side note: The day after the closing I realized the bad car accident I was in in March was on the one year anniversary of my divorce. That was a nice "booster" trigger. I am stuck here no matter how pleasant or unpleasant things are each day. For the first time since since childhood that I have had restricted freedoms, and have had to rely on others for things. It totally sucks from that point of view. 

If you have read this whole thing, I can't thank you enough. Let me know so I can try, from the bottom of my heart. I love you guys, and am glad you all are around.

  • lunamor Says:
    Ah Don, I am so sorry. I know it must kill you to not to be in control of everything, or the means to get it. I am so glad you have family to lean on, and that they are being good to you. But I know that isn't everything, and I really, really hope things turn around for you. /homepage

  • kittenheel Says:
    Financially, I think you'll be fine, although you may not think so at the moment. I had my standard of living ripped out from under me 11 or so years ago, and surviving on nothing is a skill like any other: you have to practice. It sounds like you have a decent family network, and that makes a huge difference. Do the productive things you can, like cooking, cleaning, gardening. If you trust your lawyer, there's really not much more to do than wait, and worrying won't help. /homepage

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    All families can be crazy. But it does sound like you have family that loves you.

    Pray your BIL keeps you when he leaves your sister.

  • Simon Says:
    Sorry mate. I know saying ‘At least you have something’ is cold comfort right now… but for me at least, reminding myself things could be worse does actually help.

    But the best thing is that you have KCL, and can insult whomever you like here. That’s got to mean something.

  • lunamor Says:
    But the best one to insult is Steve, just remember that.

  • lermontov Says:
    Did you shag the waitress?

  • knifeboy Says:
    Thanks, everyone. Mary, Yes there is nothing to do but wait as I have been. This money thing has been going on for a year, and now she is dragging it out more. Steve, my BIL was thrilled for me to move in here. He now has a full time fishing and archery buddy whom gets his sense of humor. Simon, I am glad to have all of you. I wish I had the "things could be worse" frame of mind, but I can't. Jess, I see you completely get it. Believe it or not, that helps. Lerm, no. She said I seem nice, but she is going through a messy divorce and wants to get that done before she considers anything else. I buy that./homepage
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