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The Mask

Posted on: Friday 09/14/2018 02:19:13

I will say one more thing about my situation right now, and then drop it. It's about my bipolar. As I mentioned last post, I was pulling out of the depression when I came here in early May. When the house closed in late July I took a dive again and have remained there. It was made worse when a few days after, I realized that bad car accident that sent me to the ER in early March was on the one year anniversary of my divorce, a hollow and bitter day for me. 

I have been doing a good job of putting on "the mask of normalcy" daily, hiding my mental state. It's self defense because no one here understand, though I have tried numerous times to educate them. My dad ignores it. Thanks. My mother tells me, "Oh you'll be alright. Everyone feels depressed at times". No, it's not like that. You don't get it. My brother and sister say the same thing, especially my sister, because she doesn't believe in mental illness- "You alone are responsible for your mood and how you feel. You just have to be determined to change your outlook and attitude. You have to be in control." Again, that's not it. With depression, you are unable to do that. It's not within your control because the forces of the illness are too strong and persistent.

A while ago my therapist told me on this subject, "You have tried unsuccessfully to get your family members to understand your disorder, and they seem unwilling. This is all you can do- it may be difficult, but from now on, don't tell them shit." That's what I'm doing, and yes, it's difficult. Again, I'm glad I have my KCL family.

  • kittenheel Says:
    Oh I get it. My parents are about the same ages as your parents, and they come from a generation that doesn't "believe" in depression. Luckily, my brother has been through it too, so he understands. I gave up years ago trying to convince my parents that depression was more than a fleeting bad mood. Yes, they get "the mask" from me when I'm depressed, but at this point I've accepted that it's the only way to have a relationship with them. /homepage

  • lunamor Says:
    I didn't really believe in it til it happened to me. It's really hard for someone to understand who hasn't been through it - it's so different from temporary sadness or even grief over a difficult life event. Even now, knowing what I do,, it's hard for me to watch my son seem to not want to get better, but I know that's part of the illness.

    Masks are ok sometimes. Whatever gets us through, man. I really do hope things get better, though. /homepage
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